It's not that surprising, I guess. Or at least, I shouldn't be all that surprised.

You spend years-- YEARS-- building up walls and an amazing defense. And for a split second, you forget the danger and let that person back in because you're so convinced of your own security. And then you come to the halting realization that all those walls were only there to bury so deep what you had once felt. And you feel like such an idiot because things aren't so different for you at all.

And everything happens all over again.

So you find yourself sitting at home on a blustery day during which the wind is too strong for you to go outside and all of a sudden, you recall a song you heard a few times but never really cared for or knew the words to. For some reason, the words come back to you: "San Francisco." And all of a sudden, you want to hear the song. So you put it on, and the words are different this time around. You look up the lyrics and suddenly this song is the song of your life.

But it's too long to make some obscure tweet about and it's too personal to really discuss in front of everyone. So you turn to your private blog that no one really reads because it's a safe place. And anyone who does read it isn't going to tell you they've read it anyway. So it's a safe place.

I descended a dusty gravel ridge
Beneath the Bixby Canyon Bridge
Until I eventually arrived
At the place where your soul had died.

Barefoot in the shallow creek,
I grabbed some stones from underneath
And waited for you to speak to me.

In the silence it became so very clear
That you had long ago disappeared.
I cursed myself for being surprised
That this didn't play like it did in my mind.

All the way from San Francisco
As I chased the end of your road
'Cause I've still got miles to go.

And I want to know my fate
If I keep up this way.

And it's hard to want to stay awake
When everyone you meet, they all seem to be asleep
And you wonder if you're missing a dream

You can't see a dream
You can't see a dream.
You just can't see a dream.
A dream

And then it started getting dark.
I trudged back to where the car was parked
No closer to any kind of truth
As I assume was the case with you.

I hate your silence. I hate your manipulation. I hate that you left me back then and that you've done it again. That you've done it every time. I hate that you're not like the others. And I hate-- I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate-- that you don't care.

I hate that every time I hear this song from now on I'll think of you. And I hate that I still can't listen to other songs because it's just too much. And I hate that you're a liar. I hate that you've robbed me of so many years of my life.